


Which Way Forward

by StarbucksSue



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 06:05:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3346310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarbucksSue/pseuds/StarbucksSue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt #63. - I would love to see our boys when Atlantis is returning to Pegasus after season 5. Something about Rodney being torn between staying with Jennifer who wants to stay on Earth and John who is returning with the city. I think we all know how it should end up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Which Way Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Written for RomancingMcShep 2015 on Livejournal.

Rodney McKay closed his laptop in resignation and left the lab, heading wearily for the transporter. He and Jennifer had only been back on Atlantis for just over an hour before they’d had their first big fight, which had resulted in Jennifer storming out of her quarters. Rodney had retreated to his lab to try and take his mind of his current situation. It hadn’t worked and five hours later, despite the Excel spreadsheet full of for-and-againsts, the situation didn't seem any clearer and all Rodney had was a headache. 

He remembered with hazy fondness when his life wasn’t so complicated. Back to a time when all he had to worry about was his work and whether he had remembered to buy cat food, litter and coffee.

He stopped to stare out of a passing window, not really noticing the towers and inky black ocean swirling below, but seeing in his mind’s eye the single story home set in its own small plot in Maryland.

Was that really what he wanted?

He remembered Jennifer’s radiant smile when her father directed him to stop the car outside the house in Barnett Road and told her it was hers. How thrilled she’d been, pulling Rodney through the front door and racing through the house. How she had picked out which bedroom would be theirs, which were ideal for their kids and which one they could turn into an office. The basement, Jennifer had exclaimed, would make a perfect playroom for the children.

It was only seven miles to Johns Hopkins where, Rodney discovered, Jennifer had already been offered a job thanks to her father. Maryland Country Club was practically on the doorstep and the small Glendale Park and larger Mount Pleasant Park just a little further away made the location seem more rural than it actually was.

Rodney wondered when things had got so far out of his control.

He was happy with Jennifer, on Atlantis. The sex was great. They had their own jobs, which kept them busy. They also had their own friends and their relationship hadn’t stopped Rodney from taking part in team movie nights or racing cars and playing chess with John. Girls’ poker night and...and what? What else had Jennifer done when they weren’t together? Rodney realised that he couldn’t remember. If he’d ever known.

Had they really ever discussed marriage. Children. Leaving Atlantis?

Rodney shook his head, finally taking in the view out of the window in front of him. The graceful spires rising up out of the ocean seemed to mock him, reminding him that he’d once vowed that if he ever left the city they would have to carry him through the Stargate.

He stepped into the transporter with a sigh and selected the living quarters. Distractions weren’t working and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

Never one to suffer in silence Rodney let himself into his quarters and took a quick shower. After pulling on his sweats, and retrieving an item from his uniform pocket, he grabbed one pack of the beers he’d picked up in San Francisco and headed back out.

***

“Rodney? Do you know what time it is?” A very rumpled, half asleep, John Sheppard finally opened his door and glared at him. “I heard you were back, how was Baltimore?” John stepped back and let him in, silently accepting the beer Rodney held out to him, despite the hour.

“Baltimore was...well, let’s just say it was more than I was expecting.” Rodney gesticulated wildly as he paced across the room to the desk. He put the remaining beers down, almost knocking over John's table lamp, before taking his own and opening it as he paced back across the room, downing half the can in one go.

“Take it easy buddy,” John cautioned, dropping to sit back on his bed, “what happened?”

“It’s more like what _didn’t_ happen!” Rodney exclaimed, running a hand through his hair and stalking back across the room. “One minute I’m the Chief Scientific Officer on Atlantis and the next, I’m a househusband with a gaggle of kids, a wife working at Johns Hopkins and life membership of the Maryland Country Club.” He finally ran out of steam and dropped on the bed next to John.

“The worse thing is, I don’t even remember asking her to marry me. Or even Jennifer asking me to marry her!” He looked at John in confusion. “How did this even happen?”

“Whoa there,” John interjected with a frown. “Wind back a bit and start at the beginning. I thought you just went to Maryland to visit Jennifer’s father before we shipped back to Pegasus.”

“Okay, okay.” Rodney took a deep breath. “We arrived in Baltimore on the Thursday. Jennifer’s father wasn’t having a good day so we had to get a cab to his house. He’s got prostate cancer and has good days and bad days.” Rodney stopped for a drink. “The first night we ordered takeaway and just chatted to her father for a while before he went off to bed. The next morning Jennifer and her father went to Johns Hopkins for, what I thought, was a regular hospital appointment. In the afternoon we went grocery shopping, which was absolute hell, the place was full of rugrats screaming for candy and soda.”

He broke off as John rolled his eyes and smiled fondly.

“Yes, yes. Well you can smile, you weren’t there.” Rodney muttered. “We had a lazy Saturday morning and had lunch and then Harrison said he had somewhere he wanted to take us.

You know I really don’t know what Jennifer had been telling him but he directed us across Baltimore and told me to pull up outside this single story house...here, look,” he pulled a photograph out of his pocket and thrust it at John.”

“Nice looking place, has its own grounds so the neighbours can’t get too nosy.” John commented cautiously. “Is he looking to move there?”

“Oh, no, no. _He_ isn’t looking to move there. The house is for us!” Rodney threw his hands up in frustration, almost showering John with beer. “He chose the house as he thought it would be perfect for us and our kids, as well as the fact that it’s only about seven miles away from Johns Hopkins where Jennifer has been offered, _and has accepted,_  
a new job!” Rodney turned to glare at John, who just sat staring at him in stunned silence. Rodney drained his beer and stood up to retrieve another.

“Crap. That’s moving a little fast,” John remarked finally, ending the silence. “Are you sure you'd never mentioned marriage to Jennifer, I know you never said anything...”

“No, that’s just it. I mean, what we had was fun and the sex was great and I love Jennifer, I really do, but I'd never considered leaving Atlantis and settling down and having kids.” Rodney slumped back against the desk. “I thought we were both serious about our careers here, I didn’t even know she’d been offered a job at Johns Hopkins, or that she was thinking along the lines of kids and real estate.” Rodney pulled himself upright wearily and walked over to sit back down.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he looked up at John, seeing a brief flash of something he couldn't identify in John's eyes before it was gone.

“What do you want more,” John asked softly, “do you want to stay on Atlantis without Jennifer, or leave Atlantis and stay together,” John looked directly at him. “At the end of the day Rodney, can you see yourself being happy here,” he tapped the photograph which lay on the bed between them, “with the 2.4 kids, the dog and the country club membership, school runs and PTA. What else do you and Jennifer have in common, beside the sex.”

Rodney screwed up his face.

“That’s just it,” he said miserably. “I don’t think we do have anything in common. You know I don’t even know what she does when we have movie nights, chess games or car races. I know she plays poker with Cadman and Teldy and the others but whatever else she does I couldn’t tell you.”

John tapped his beer can thoughtfully.

“You know you don’t want to rush into a decision here, this is going to affect the rest of your life.”

“That’s all very well for you to say, but Jennifer’s already handed her notice in to Woolsey and she’s expecting me to do the same so we can leave together.” Rodney said morosely. “She’s even got a starting date for her new job and wants to get out there and begin furnishing the house. The kitchen’s already fully fitted out but she wants the bedroom and living areas done before starting work.”

“Damn, that’s all very sudden. Has she actually asked you if you want this?”

“No.” Rodney exclaimed with annoyance. “Well, I don’t think so, not in so many words. She'd mentioned research she wanted to do in the future but she never said anything about leaving Atlantis or having kids, I'm sure she didn't.” He leant back, hitting his head loudly and deliberately on the wall “We argued about it as soon as we got back and she stormed off. What am I going to do?”

He closed his eyes and breathed out, long and loud, finally allowing the safety and familiar companionship relax him only to open his eyes again suddenly as a thought occurred to him.

“Why is it,” he started slowly, “that if I wake Jennifer up in the middle of the night she just ignores me or tells me to go back to sleep and if I disturb her when she’s busy she just gets mad. However, if I wake you up, or interrupt you, you’ll always stop to listen, regardless of whether you’re busy or whether it’s...” he broke off and looked over at the clock, “huh, four in the morning.” He finished in surprise.

“I’ll always be here for you, buddy, no matter what time of day or night, or whatever galaxy you’re in.” John finished the sentence so softly that Rodney barely heard him.

“Yes, yes. You’re always here and you always have been,” He looked at John in wonder. “You know I just can’t imagine what it would be like any more, to not be here, on Atlantis.”

“I can’t imagine doing this without you.” John flushed slightly as he replied and looked away, but not before Rodney saw his reaction.

“Hmm,” he hummed in consideration, “you know, I’m beginning to think I may have missed something here.

John looked around cautiously.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just occurred to me that I can’t tell you what Jennifer does on her time off but I can pretty much guess what you’re doing at any time, or where to find you without resorting to calling you over the radio. You’re always here when I need you, always willing to listen, never refuse to spend time with me.” Rodney ticked each one off on his fingers. “Yet, in all the time we’ve been here, you’ve never had a relationship – with the exception of the odd one night stand with ascended or near-ascended beings – and you never seem really interested in anyone. The only people you willingly spend time with are Ronon, Teyla or me and Ronon and Teyla are mostly for running, sparring or bantos. We socialise as a team with movie nights and get together for meals but the only person you really spend downtime with regularly is me. You bring me coffee and food if I'm working on something critical and you come looking for me to send me to bed if I end up working too late when I don't need to.”

John closed his eyes and pulled a resigned face.

“So what are you saying, Rodney?” he whispered.

“What I’m saying is that I think I’ve been missing what’s been right in front of me the whole time.” Rodney replied softly. “To be honest, if I picture the future, I can see you and I here in Atlantis. Both us have retired but we still keep our hands in. Me with research and you as a military adviser.”

He broke off, smiling at the anxious but hopeful look on John’s face.

“I see more, though,” Rodney continued with a laugh, “I see you and I together. After all, how many people have commented that we’re like an old married couple. Maybe it was us that didn't see the real picture. Or was it just me? How long have you had feelings for me?”

John barked out a half-amused laugh.

“Since you asked me to think about where I was in the universe.” He admitted bashfully.

“Since Antarctica? And you've never let on until now?” Rodney cried indignantly. “Dammit, I'd have made a move then if I'd have known!”

“Rodney, I'm in the US military,” John explained patiently. “I've had to hide who I am for most of my life. Coming out then would've more likely ended up with me in Leavenworth rather than Atlantis.”

“But you've known for years that I'm bi. If you were interested why didn't you give me a clue. Actually,” Rodney frowned, deep in thought, “maybe you've been dropping clues all the way along and I've just not seen them, I know I'm not the most observant or sensitive person in the galaxy.”

"I just made the most of your company when I could. I didn't want to stop you from finding someone you could be happy with.” John admitted with uncharacteristic shyness.

“Oh yes, of course, because I couldn't be happy with you.” Rodney sighed, shaking his head. “Sometimes you are way too self-sacrificing. You are allowed to have things you want, John. You don't always have to put other people first all the time. You're allowed to be happy.” Rodney finished softly, reaching out and cupping John's face gently.

John turned into the touch and Rodney reached out with his free hand and pulled John towards him, kissing him on the forehead before wrapping his arms around him.

They sat there for a few moments in silence, just enjoying the moment. Finally Rodney spoke.

“You're an idiot you know. All this time we could have been together if you'd only given me a clue.” He sighed and pulled back. “You know, much as I would love to take this further I have to speak to Jennifer first.” He said with obvious regret. “It's only fair to be honest and end things with her before we start something.”

John sighed. “You're right. And we can't really throw this in her face the minute you finish with her. I guess we can carry on as normal until she leaves, after all, it's not as if we don't usually spend time together so she probably wouldn't notice anything different.”

“That's true. Well I should probably get back to my quarters, I'll speak to Jennifer in the morning.” He chanced a quick kiss. “See you at lunch tomorrow?”

“It's a date.” John replied with a grin.

“Yes, yes. I guess it will be.” Rodney smiled as he left the room, walking the short distance to his quarters with a spring in his step which definitely hadn't been there before.

He knew Jennifer wouldn't be happy, but for him, the weekend had turned out to be a blessing in disguise. He wouldn't be happy living the life that Jennifer wanted and that wouldn't be fair on either of them. But now, if he didn't blow it, he had real future happiness in Atlantis, with someone who was already his best friend and was about to turn into so much more.

He asleep easily, with the smile still on his face.


End file.
